At A Local Bar
by Flamegirl217
Summary: A group of rogues and a group of monsters go to a bar...the same bar...oh god.


**A/N: This is a crackfic, all things considered. Quick heads-up; this is set after the Pacifist ending in Undertale. No _real_ spoilers, but I guess if you squint it is kinda.**

It was an odd event, all things considered. Five infamous rogues, all going in a cheerful manner together to a bar. Perhaps it was the recent success of their individual criminal capers.

They weren't going to a bar in Gotham, of course. That would be madness. They would all be reported and caught the moment they stepped in the door. No, they had all gone to a small town that was _close_ to Gotham, within walking distance in case of an extreme emergency.

The cold air warned of snow, and all five rogues were dressed in scarves, coats, and other such winter attire as they walked down the sidewalk. The atmosphere and mood of the group was no different from a group of non-convicted friends.

"So, Harley, where is this place of yours?" Michel asked, not exactly subtle with his purple scarf decorated with a green music note. Harley had her hands in the pocket of her coat, face half-hidden by her own oversized red scarf, but she still held a skip in her step that betrayed her boisterous energy.

"Just a few more buildin's, Big Red." Harley smiled, and then bounded to the front.

"I'm not drinking." Jonathan stated flatly, hands shoved in his pockets.

"Oh come on Scarecrow," Edward smiled as he nudged Jonathan with his elbow, "You agreed to come with us, the least you can do is join in." The Riddler was as equally subtle as Music Meister; his basic winter clothing was rather normal, but his gloves and scarf were bright green.

" _Someone_ has to be sober enough to drive." Jonathan replied, eyes narrowing slightly.

"I agree." Jervis added, a woollen beanie he had been given from Quinn replacing his top hat, "The last thing we need is to be pulled over."

"Or to crash." Michel continued, and then smiled as he declared loudly, "Crane is the designated driver!" Everyone else in the group laughed or chuckled, but Jonathan remained silent. Harley suddenly stopped, and everyone else almost crashed into her.

"We're here!" Harley stuck both arms out towards the building she had stopped in front of. The outer walls were plain red brick, large windows on both sides of the entrance showing people inside laughing and talking, the windows illuminated by a soft glow cast by small lights lining the frames.

"'Rustic Nostalgia'." Edward read the sign written in cursive-like lettering above the door, and he frowned slightly.

"The second floor is a restaurant." Harley explained, and then pulled on Jervis's arm, "Come on!" Everyone followed Harley inside, the bubbly blonde pulling off her scarf and shoving it in one of her pockets. The group was able to procure a table close to the bar, and Harley went to order drinks.

"Tetch, you know you can take off your hat now." Edward remarked, leaning with one elbow on the table, but Jervis shook his head.

"I'd prefer not to." He replied, and then smiled widely. Edward opened his mouth to reply when all noise inside the building was droned out by the sudden discordant voices of reporters and camera flashes.

"…Maybe someone famous is in the area?" Michel suggested, watching like every other patron as a sleek black limo pulled up smoothly in front of the establishment. They couldn't see through the crowd, but they could hear the voice of whoever had been inside the limo.

"Yes, yes, thank you everyone! However, I would like to spend tonight with these dear friends of mine, so if you would all be so kind as to depart…"

Very slowly, the crowd dispersed, and the rogues turned their attention back to their own table. Michel shrugged, and Jervis adjusted the dark blue vest he was wearing.

"Will Her Majesty be joining us tonight?" He questioned curiously as Harley returned with the drinks. Michel chuckled, but he shook his head as a group sat at the table behind him.

"No, she will not." Michel took his drink from Harley, something that was (oh what a surprise) dark purple. After the drinks were handed out, Harley sipping from a tall glass through a straw, Edward chuckled and tapped Michel on the shoulder, unaware that something similar was happening at the table next to them.

"Look Michel, they have karaoke." Edward pointed and grinned almost teasingly, "Are you going to embarrass us tonight?" Michel raised an eyebrow and turned his head towards the 'stage', exactly like the person sitting directly behind him. Michel smirked before turning his head back to his group.

"Well, I'm definitely going to be on that stage before the end of the night." Michel and another voice spoke in unison. Harley grinned and Jonathan shook his head, but Edward leant back sharply, head turning to the source of the other voice.

"Oh god, they're multiplying."

The table shared collective frowns of confusion, and Michel turned around to the table behind him, coming face-to-face with the person he had been parallel with. It was a man…sort of. He had long black hair that covered one eye, and in all honesty he looked like a robot.

The two tables stared at each other, and after a moment Jervis leaned towards Jonathan.

"March, do you also see two skeletons, a robot and a fish woman?" He spoke barely above a whisper, but everyone was able to hear it.

"Yes, Jervis, I do." Jonathan replied, and his eyes narrowed as he looked at the person sitting between the taller skeleton and the fish woman, "Are children even allowed to be in this establishment?" The child glanced between the taller skeleton and the robot, and the shorter skeleton wearing a blue hoodie chuckled.

"I don't think they set the _bar_ that high."

The taller skeleton looked annoyed, and Jonathan groaned from the terrible pun. Harley however giggled from the terrible pun, and the shorter skeleton smiled at her.

"Wait a minute…" Edward remarked, eyes growing wider in realisation. He turned back to his group, a smug look on his face as if he had solved a great puzzle.

"They're monsters."

The rogues all looked at each other, realisation passing through the group. Apparently, there had once been some great war between humans and monsters. But according to the news, monsters had returned.

Michel gasped shortly before rising to his feet, looking at the robot.

"That's where I know you from!" He exclaimed, "Mettaton, right?" Mettaton smiled and rose smoothly to his feet, while Undyne rolled her eyes.

"The one and only, darling." He replied, and his smile widened, "Are you a fan?"

"You could say that." Michel chuckled.

Frisk looked at Mettaton and the man with orange hair, and then realised that Sans had disappeared.

"… _Wanda_ -ring when you're going to open the door."

Frisk gave a small smile, turning to where Sans was sitting next to the woman with blonde pigtails. Clearly, she was more of a fan of jokes than even Toriel.

"So, _Michel_ …" Mettaton gestured to the karaoke stage with a smirk, "Are you a good singer?"

"You have no idea." Edward laughed, and Michel shot him a mock-glare.

"Go set up more ludicrous puzzles for the Bat, Nygma." He retorted, and the taller skeleton's head shot up.

"Puzzles?"

Undyne couldn't believe that these punks were messing with their night. Alphys was busy working on something in her new lab, so she wasn't even able to come with them. Undyne realised that she was being stared at, and she turned her head to the tall human with the red scarf around his neck. He was so thin he almost looked like a skeleton.

"What are you looking at?" Undyne snapped, and the human raised an eyebrow. Before he could answer, Harley jumped from her seat.

"Hey, how about we combine tables?" She giggled excitedly. Edward facepalmed, but nonetheless rose from his seat.

With the tables combined, the monsters and humans sat around the table, socialising like anyone else in the building. Edward with Papyrus, Mettaton with Michel, Sans with Harley, and Jervis had somehow ended up with Frisk. To Jonathan, it made sense for the child to be with the man who often acted like one. Of course, that meant _he_ was stuck next to the humanoid Pisces. Needless to say, he hadn't started a conversation with her. The only interest he had was whether his toxin would work on her or not, along with other monsters.

"Oh given the chance I would _love_ to perform on a televised stage, but…" Michel trailed off, and Mettaton raised an eyebrow.

"Stage fright is nothing to be ashamed of, da-"

"It's not stage fright." Michel cut him off, eyes narrowing slightly.

Edward was having one of the most in-depth conversations he had had in a while, a messy diagram scribbled on the napkin on the table between him and Papyrus.

"So the walls of the maze are completely invisible, but if the person touches them they're shocked."

"Yes, but make sure _you_ are not holding the orb," Papyrus replied, pointing to where he would have stood, "Otherwise-"

"The results will be very _shocking_." Sans interjected.

"SANS!"

Harley laughed before resting her chin in her hand, elbow on the table as she looked at Sans.

"So how do you know all these jokes anyway?" She smiled, and Sans shrugged.

"I used to practise a lot, ya know. What, don't you get any good laughs where you come from?" He replied, and Harley sat up.

"Oh no I get laughs all the time with Mr-" Harley was cut off by Jervis putting his hand over her mouth, stopping her from finishing her sentence.

"Miss Quinn, I don't think we should spoil the night while the caucus race has yet to begin." Tetch advised, and Harley nodded slowly. Jervis took his hand away from her mouth before returning his attention to Frisk, who was looking at in confusion.

"Caucus race?" Frisk questioned, and Jervis brightened before proceeding to tell the child all about Alice's adventures.

Undyne huffed, tapping on the table in boredom.

"Papyrus! I thought this was supposed to be for all of us." She called across the table, "I'm bored out of my mind over here!"

"Oh, sorry Undyne." Papyrus apologised, looking sheepish, "I just rarely meet someone who loves puzzles as much as I do…"

"More than you." Edward chuckled as he took a sip from his glass, leaning back in his seat.

"You're being far too secretive, you know." Mettaton put his glass down with an audible thunk before crossing his legs over each other and looking at Michel, "If you love the stage so much, then why not perform?" Michel shook his head slowly, taking a sip from his drink.

"It's complicated." He replied shortly. Mettaton didn't seem pleased with this answer, as he frowned and crossed his arms. Michel pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment before facing Mettaton, putting his own glass down.

"Look, when I sing, strange things happen." He explained, "It's usually better if I don't sing unless-"

Almost on cue, someone sitting at a table near the large front windows jumped up and pointed out the window.

"Oh my god, it's Batman!"

The rogues simultaneously blinked, and then all looked at Edward.

"…I _might_ have left a clue or two behind." Edward grimaced sheepishly, holding up his hands. All of the rogues groaned and quickly rose from their seats, grabbing their coats. Frisk and the monsters looked at the fast-moving group in confusion.

"I swear Nygma if we're sent back to Arkham for this…" Jonathan snapped as he pushed in his chair sharply.

"Hey, what's the rush?" Sans asked, and Harley smiled apologetically.

"It's complicated, Sansy." She kissed him on the cheek before darting for the door, and Mettaton quickly rose from his seat.

"Michel, I insist that you and I finish our conversation sometime." He gave Michel his card, and Michel gave a small smile as he pocketed it.

"Come on Meister!" Edward pushed him towards the door, and all of the rogues hurried for the door. It closed behind them loudly, then opened again with the same amount of force as Jonathan stomped back to the table, grabbed Tetch, and dragged him out.


End file.
